OH HI

From: mikesveryFAT
Subject: JUST FUCKING READ THIS OK?


HI,

Im frezned and ive mad 100 + videos and i think im pretty hard cause ive got alot of subscribers ….. and maybe youtubeian friends but i have no real life ones…

— RIPPED
— FAGGOT
— NERD
— GET LIFE PLZ

You have hurt my soul with your words! I am so sad now :*(

As soon as I finish this reply I’m going to go and find a bucket because I am crying so hard my room is filling up with tears!!

Oh Mike. Why did you send such a nasty email to me? Why would you do that. It hurts so much when people tell me I don’t have any friends, because it makes me really know how lonely I am inside! I wish I did have friends.

Do you tell a retarded man (or woman) that he is retarded! Do you poke him with (or her) a stick hmmmmmm???! WHY?!
THEY kNOW THEY (or she) ARE RETARDED

Maybe one day I will know how to leave my bedroom instead of spending all of my time working on a video that only makes dumb people laugh (clever people don’t find humour in my videos! they are too smart)

And how did you know I was secretly gay
my whole life I have pretended to like girls
even though it’s pointless because I never meet any anyway right!!

mike why am I so lonely
mike

mike

will you be my friend

love from Tom (frezned)

WOOOOOOO

YEAHH
WOO

ALRIGHT

YEEEAAAAHHHH
WOO

NUMBER 2 BITCH

NUMBER TWOOOO

Still sick. Third day missing work - they’ve replaced me. Bit of a financial loss there; the downfall of being a casual employee.

Gotta go into Centrelink today (ugh) to fix up some forms and nonsense. I don’t want to (see sickness, p. 13) but failing to do so would mean I don’t know about eight hundo. So.

Despite this Sigur Ros still continues to blow my metaphorical socks off. I say metaphorical as I am barefoot as I write this.

The lyrics I’ve managed to find for Saeglopur (I don’t know why I was even looking) completely fail to even remotely resemble the song, unless Ice/Hopelandic is one of those languages that doesn’t look like it sounds. I know this is true a little bit but, unless a word can have more syllables than letters, come on.

I should have a shower.

I wish I had more energy. To those of you who read this, never rest until I have made “NDA Redux”, because it’s all about context. NDA was made to give NDA Redux something to work off. It’s not meant to stand on its own.

Also expect “Phone Call Bloopers II” some time next year!!!!!!!

So far the amount of people saying hi to me on WoW is 5.

SO RIGHT I GOT BACK FROM SYDNEY

all on the road back housemate’s boyfriend callin’ “hey tom we got three kegs of beer but what we only drank 2 of em so far and this party’s gotta be over by tomorrow” zang off I go to the party and drink beer

and then all into town to the Bended Elbow where I met up with Steph and Kirsten and Daniel and we went in and I was like “dang where’s my phone oh dang it’s only new”

so I go out the front and the bouncer’s like “no pass outs” and I’m like “but I’m looking for my phone” and he’s like “oh cool well that girl there just found one” and I was like “zzzip” over to her and I’m like “my phone! omg you found it thankee” and she’s like “oh I called your mum she is on the line” and I’m like “awesome” and I hang up

when I got inside I was like “oh whoops just hung up on my mum” so I called back and I was like “don’t worry mum I found it” hang up again

then I’m thinking how did I lose my phone in the first place? I just jammed it in my pocket there

so I put my hand in my pocket and am greeted by a great gaping tear at the bottom

in a fit of rage (this is the third time that pocket has torn open and I usually sew it, it looks like frankenpocket) I was like FUCK YOU POCKET and just tore it right out

just

tore my pocket out

so now there’s no pocket at all just a hole

so Bended was pretty cool then we went to Lamby’s and I ran into Yasmin and Jacinta (hot) and Yasmin bought me a shot of cintreuse and I was like steam-comin-out-of-the-ears

bang.

woke up next morning w/ powerful hangover.
oh also did I mention that I have tonsilitis? well I have tonsilitis. had it for ages. blogged about it earlier, that cold? that was tonsilitis.

so my hangover mated with my tonsilitis and had a baby

and that baby is called fuuuck do I have a terrible cold now, my nose is dripping like a tap and ugh

I want to live on an Anticol drip. That would be amazing.

Plus side of this whole story is I have new jeans now. The Hot New Jeans are no more. Maybe I should sell them on eBay for a million dollars.

Oh hey so guess what! I’m going to Sydney for like a week. Gonna meet up with babyporridge and communitychannel and hughsnews and who knows who else.

Also I made a video for my secret channel. If you don’t know what it is already then you don’t love me enough.

Boards of Canada is hot as. I totally got into them when I went to Sydney last time and I’m using them to get back into the groove. Mmm, roygbiv. Such a good song.

And…

Nope, nothin’. My brain is off.

Might blog from Sydney. Or I might not. You choose.

Wait. No.

I choose.

I got a new phone just now and gilly gosh I hate it already. The last one took me at least a few days.

I’m just a phone hater kind of person. The buttons are all small and I keep accidentally connecting to the internet which down here in Aus at least is fucking expensive.

At the moment I’m in a strange situation. I’m updating the firmware on my phone, so it’s gotta download 66 megabytes to do that. Meanwhile it’s got this big “DO NOT DISCONNECT YOUR PHONE OR TERRIBLE” thing happening.

At the same time Steam has actually connected to the Internode server for once so I get superfast speeds and unmetered downloads until the next time I start it up. It’s doing all its updates now so I don’t want to stop it.

So I can’t stop the phone update OR steam and together they are sucking every inch of my bandwidth away.

Hey, Nokia - how about making firmware downloadable individually?

Hey, Valve - how about letting me select which server I connect to?

Sighs.

Caught a damn cold, just like that dude on Metal Gear Solid.
The first one. The best one, before you had to worry about changing clothes every five steps and all that shit. Ugh. What a stupid game MGS III was. Everyone loves it so damn much. I don’t know why.

Same with Resident Evil 4. Why the hell can’t you move and knife at the same time? Or some, knife-and-lunge move. Once I have the knife out I’m rooted to the ground until the zombie is on top of me. I just wanna stab him, damn it! I’m sure the game is all well and good but that is a stumbling block that I literally cannot get over.

Want to know what else annoys me? The misuse of the word ‘literally’. Don’t say ‘literally’ to mean ‘extremely’. Literally means literally. “Oh and I was so embarrassed I literally DIED.”

No. You didn’t die. Literally isn’t some arbitrary sentence strengthener. So stop it.

And “electrocuted”! NOBODY USES THAT PROPERLY. EVEN ON THE NEWS.
Electrocuted is a portmanteau of “electrified” and “executed”. It means, “killed by electricity”.

KILLED. By electricity. IF YOU ARE NOT LITERALLY DEAD, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ELECTROCUTED. You have merely received an electric shock. Electrocution = death, no arguing.

What if I don’t want to categorise something, huh? What if I want to just write about junk?

Subject? I ain’t need no subject.

Internet at the mansion is still elusive. Currently we’re on this 1gb/month plan and it is a hell of a pain in the arse. The dude from telstra reckoned internal wiring so tomorrow I’ve gotta call the landlord and tell him he has to suddenly pay a whole bunch of money. Will go down well.

My folks are moving house on Saturday, which means I lose a nearby internet connection. Ouch. Might have to go to work.

I put up a video today. I play the uke in it and I was really self-conscious. Usually I don’t play it in front of people. I showed the video to Rhoda before uploading and her jaw nearly hit the floor; she had no idea I played it. Incredible!

I don’t think I like this blog idea. It’s detracting from my videographing.

I have a lot of time on my hands now - I called up the bookshop today and told them when I was free and they’re like “oh we probably won’t need you until after Australia Day”, which is when work at the school starts back too.

So.

I kinda want to make some pointlessly epic video. I always do. But it really seems that the less effort I put into making videos, the more positively they’re received.

Oh and with partnerism I’m gonna have to take down ENTP 2 huh. Maybe I should email Boards of Canada.

How do I do that without sounding ridiculous?

Dear Boards of Canada,

I love your music. I can’t describe how much I love your music. When I listen to your music I feel like my soul is happy. I wasn’t listening to your music when I started writing this, but now I am, because whenever I think about your music I have to put it on.

I make videos on YouTube and they have achieved a modest level of success. One of them uses Dayvan Cowboy in it. I know I should’ve asked permission when I uploaded it but it was before I was “big”.

Now I am “big”. Big enough, at least, to be worrying about it.

So, I was just wondering if you’re cool with me having the song on the video.

Thanks,
Tom McLean

PS. Open the Light, when it goes bom ba-bom bom bom bom ba baaa baa baaa - wow.

I kinda want to make a video now that is just me reading that out. It could be cool.

Actually I think I should make some more experimental videos. There’s a weird thing when you hit a certain level of subscribers - like, you have people to impress, you have people to disappoint. I remember when I put up “Voting” my dad was like “You didn’t even do anything and they love it!”

I mean that was the point and all, but - anyway, who remembers Screams? I want to make more stuff like that. Not -exactly- like that, but… you know, edgier stuff. Stuff where the humour is not necessarily apparent. More subtle.

Weirder stuff.

I should. I want to. I didn’t get into YouTube for the fame, or for money or sponsorship or anything. I mean - those are actually goals of mine now, I’m not going to deny it, but… when I started, it was just because I love making videos. Bob and Jacob and I, and a few other people, were making them well before we hit YouTube.

So… yeah, I started making videos just for the personal fun of it. Like - totally selfish, totally navel-gazing. I actually took a good deal of convincing to put my vids up on YouTube in the first place.

I think if I keep worrying about what people will think my soul will die. I should make some seriously out-there stuff, just to get the point across that these are my videos and I’ll do whate - I’LL DO WHATEVER I DAMN WELL LIKE

DO YOU HEAR ME GOD

FOREVERRRR

I’m setting this up at my parents’ house because their internet is a whole lot more delightful than the one at the mansion.

I actually came over here to upload the 5 Facts video but as soon as I arrived I realised I’d neglected to copy it to my flash drive. There was a lot of swearing.

Theoretically I could’ve gone back and grabbed it and it’d only have taken like 25 minutes but… I couldn’t be arsed. Ended up setting up Wordpress instead. I was all set to do open-source-software shopping but dreamhost has an automated set-up-er for this and so here we are.

The template is a bit evs but… yeah, not gonna make my own. That part of my life is behind me. Too many projects on now to worry about it anyway.

I have a novel to edit; I have videos to make; I have actionscript to program. I have a degree to complete. Yep.

Oh gosh this thing has tags, I just realised. It’s been a long time since I last used WP. What tags will this one get I wonder. I think maybe no tags for this one as I don’t really have a topic. Yes. Brilliant idea.

The shift key on this laptop is a little faulty and it’s doing my head in. Enough blog right now.